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Featured Articles

Framing happiness:

Wanting happiness? Making happiness happen is about DOING something. Even if it is asking someone else to do something: — — Fly me to the moon, Let me play among the stars, Let me see what spring is like, On a-Jupiter and Mars... More...

Assertiveness:

Are you grumpy, un- cooperative? Are you silently seething? Are you obviously seething but not saying anything... More...

Boundaries: Boundaries & how we utilise them, inform our sense of self our sense of being, belonging, where-I-end-and-you-begin... More...

Breaking up: How much of your self-esteem is tied up with your partner liking or loving you? Or the perception you think your friends have of you breaking up? Or how much of your self-esteem and self-confidence is invested in being in "a" relationship... no matter what kind as long as you have partner? ... More...

Breaking up

Self-esteem and breaking up...

How much of your self-esteem is tied up with your partner liking or loving you? Or the perception you think your friends have of you breaking up? Or how much of your self-esteem and self-confidence is invested in being in "a" relationship... no matter what kind as long as you have partner?

"other half"
If you are only a whole person when you are with your "other half" then you are setting yourself up for failure. Because, there will always come a time when your "better half" is not around. I cringe when ever I hear the popular culture (usually pop songs) talk of "making me whole", "completing me", "you are my every dream"... and I am a romantic sentimental fool... but I always want to be a whole person without being propped up by anyone.

To be in union
This does not mean I want to be completely independent and alone in the world, because I believe humans (of all colours, shapes, descriptions, denominations, persuasions, sex, age and political belief system) desire to be in union with other people... and sometimes that is one person, one very special person.
when we will do anything

Finding one person to share our lives with seems to be a common goal for all of humankind. The dilemma arises when our need for this out-shines and over-rides common sense values we hold dear to our own hearts. When we will do anything to have "a" relationship then sometimes we fall into the trap of making the person we are standing near a substitute for our dreams and romantic wishes... even if that other person is clearly not the one to help you fulfil your goals.

Differentiation of Self
An issue sometimes raised in Individual Counselling which may be a help when you are breaking up. Ask your therapist for moere information and how more information could help you.